March 28, 2012: Back to Work

I know I have said it again and again, but it is amazing how fast time flies with a baby. On September 26, 2011, a week before Ellie was born, I began my maternity leave from WSGR. I felt so lucky to be getting six months off of work, and I remember making lists of all the things I would accomplish during my leave. It seemed like my return-to-work date of March 28, 2012 was forever away. It is unbelievable how fast that date came.
I am filled with so much gratitude for having had all of this time to get to know my little girl. It has truly been the adventure of a lifetime. I thought that the first seven weeks would kill me. It is exhausting being a new mom, and the sleepless nights, the difficulty of breastfeeding, and the loss of independence and spontaneity in life were hard to adjust to. Then Ellie began sleeping better, and she began smiling - that first amazing sign of interaction - and every single day, I just fell more and more madly in love with her. The holidays flew by like they always do, but this time they felt so much more meaningful. I had so much to be thankful for on Thanksgiving Day. I loved having the time to take Ellie to go see Santa, and to spend days soaking in the beautiful Christmas decorations around town. By twelve weeks, we really got into a groove. It became easier to go out with Ellie for errands, take "field trips" to San Francisco, attend Baby Boot Camp and mom's groups, go out to lunch with friends, and the like. At the same time, Ellie was continuing to accomplish developmental milestones like grabbing toys, rolling over, and sitting up, and I loved being there to capture it all.
So the arrival of March 28 left me full of so many mixed emotions. I was excited to go back to a job where I enjoy the work. I wanted to be stimulated, to regain some aspects of my pre-"Mom" life, and to have adult time. At the same time, I was full of fear...fear of missing out on Ellie's milestones, and of not being able to handle the new role of "working Mom." After a pretty teary March 25 and 26, I decided to just maximize my last day home with Ellie. We slept in together, went to lunch, and took portraits! It was an absolutely perfect day.


And March 28 arrived. I dropped Ellie off at her wonderful new day care, and I had a terrific day at work re-connecting with colleagues, bragging about my amazing little girl, and getting back to work on interesting client matters. It felt surprisingly good. Especially when I came home to my amazing family!